Snacks with tentacles

Admit it: you can’t wait to dare your travel companions to nom down on some fine squid-on-a-stick when you stroll past the food stands at your next Japanese festival. But did you know they can’t weasel out of it by refusing to travel during the summer matsuri season?

Just walk into any convenience store and toss one of these bad boys* into your basket.

Yes, squid snacks are a major snack food category in Japan,
and if you think I’m exaggerating, read on…

They range from being a little TOO recognizable, like this squid jerky (just try not to have any unwelcome mid-chew thoughts about snacks with eyes)…

…to neatly shredded sticks that might fool an unwitting companion into not realizing they just put a piece of squid in their mouths until the flavor registers (NOT THAT ANYONE IS SUGGESTING THIS MEAN PRANK)

Squid snacks are so popular, they come in lots of different flavors and cater to every possible snack food preference. This one, for example, has merely been dried overnight, lending it a chewier texture

These have been both grilled AND roasted, with peppery seasoning (and the package notes that the photo has been reduced in size, so be forewarned that you might pull out what you thought would be a bite-sized snack and have to wrestle with whether you should attempt to gnaw it in half or stuff the whole thing in your mouth and hope it doesn’t expand as you chew it)

If your big complaint about dried squid happens to be that it’s not fishy enough, these snax are flavor-enhanced with dried cod eggs to set your taste buds spinning.

But if you’re actually squid-curious, you can wade into the world of squid snacks like a granny dipping a toe into the Bering Sea by trying these chip-adjascent squid treats first…

or you can cannonball into the deep end with THESE:

In case your companion demonstrates zero honor by taking the festival food dare and then balking at anything with tentacles, you can punish them by luring them to the most authentic backstreet izakaya you can find and ordering a beer…

which might come in a charming chilled teakettle, but will definitely come with a little appetizer you didn’t request. (Do not even try to stop them. Even native speakers are unsuccessful at refusing the ¥300-¥500 o-tsumami** that comes with any drink order and is added to your bill whether you eat it or not.) Chances are, your travel buddy will regret passing on the tame grilled version when faced with a bartender staring them down for being a wussy foreigner who’s not slurping down that little dish of marinated squid guts.

On the rare chance that they are the best liar ever and their reaction is “squid guts, where have you been all my life?” you can test their resolve by stocking up on premium squid guts at the Koshinzuka Street Market.

Where you also might encounter a vendor doing the equivalent of making Oreos from scratch: feeding freshly-grilled cephalopod into the top of the squid transmogrifier…

and waiting for the snackified bits to emerge at the bottom

*True story: The first time I lived in Japan, I sent a care package to a friend who used to live in Tokyo and was starting her freshman year of college. It contained all the conbini snacks I knew she missed, plus a bonus pack of dried squid tentacles, just to squick out her new roommates. Little did I know that she actually likes squid snacks (gonna be honest here, they are not un-tasty, once you get past the fact that they are SQUID). They laughed in horror, then she tossed them in a drawer (they keep forever) and when finals rolled around, she was so busy cramming day and night, she didn’t manage to pack or eat until right before she had to jump on the plane to go home for winter break. She stuffed the pack of squid snacks into her carry-on, but didn’t have time to crack them open until she was on the plane. Which was a mistake. Because one more thing about squid snacks? They’re pungent. Not to be eaten around people who aren’t big squid snack fans themselves. Especially not on a crowded airplane, where you become Passenger Non Grata Number One in the time it takes everyone for three rows around you to whisper to each other, “What is that awful smell?”

**O-tsumami are not always marinated squid guts (so don’t decide to shun all alcoholic beverages in Japan for that reason) but they are the Japanese food version of Russian roulette. You do not get to choose or refuse (or refuse to pay for) the little appetizer they bring you with your drink, and I have been served squid guts often enough (especially in summertime, which I suspect is <shudder> squid guts season) that I am now okay with being the kind of weenie-ish foreigner who leaves them untouched.

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